Does good cancel out bad? I used to think not; I used to think they went on side by side, but I've changed my mind. Yesterday a couple got on the red line at Kendall Square in Cambridge and sat across from me. I noticed their hair: the exact same shade of toffee brown. She wore no makeup; with her upturned nose and large brown eyes she didn't need any. He was lanky and wore glasses. When he took off his cap and ruffled up his hair, I could see him better: he was older than I had thought. He took her hand; she turned away. They were fighting; that is, he was fighting. Each time she turned her head away from him, he took her by the chin and forced her to look at him, pleading, 'Look at me.' She was on the verge of tears. He tweaked her nose. He forced a kiss on her. He grasped her hand and kept forcing her to look at him, but although he succeeded in moving her head, he could not compel her eyes. She did not look at him. I wish I had done something, but he was crazed, more and more insistent, his eyes narrowing behind his glasses. What might I have done? Emptied my purse on the subway floor, asked for his help in retrieving my things, and whispered to her, began singing, Unacceptable behavior, unacceptable behavior? The truth is I was paralyzed, repelled, hardly believing what I saw.In a few minutes they were gone and I was out of the subway. Charles Street gleamed in bright sunshine; every dog looked newly washed. I walked through the Public Gardens. Will the memory of that couple rule my thoughts? I asked myself. I was determined that it would not. A crowd gathered near a temporary fence. Within the enclosure was a pair of swans, one nesting. She moved only her neck, preening. Farther on was a human couple: affectionate, laughing, watching the Swan Boats pass on the little pond. Two young men played flute duets near the verdigris bridge. I dropped quarters into the dark blue velvet-lined instrument case and went on across the Gardens, across Arlington Street, and down Newbury, turning back, returning along Commonwealth Avenue. Soon I was back on Charles Street. It was two o'clock; I was hungry. I looked into the window of Bin 26, a wine bar; the place was empty. Usually I don't go into empty restaurants, but this one had a serene appeal. I took a table near the window and lunched on potato and leek soup and prosecco--all delicious, the bread too--and did not think about what I had seen on the subway. If good can cancel bad, can bad cancel good? I've decided not to let that happen. How? By increasing the good.
Miriam,
ReplyDeleteI kind of stumbled upon your blog. I enjoyed reading this post describing the couple and your photos are also beautiful. By comparing good and bad, you caused me to think of this again...how interesting...yes, I do believe the bad can cancel out the good and visa versa and also by increasing looking at the positive, we let go of the negativity.
Thank you.
Nancy
This was an ugly incident. The man was guilty, whatever his motive or provocation, of a crime: domestic violence. One might have told him that the police would be called to investigate at the stop where got off. It is my understanding that he would have been arrested and locked up until he made bail, if the woman complained -- which she probably would not. He might have gone before a judge to settle the matter. At least it might have got his attention. I am not sure I would have been quick enough to get involved with that strategy, however. An argument for not speaking up is that it is the responsibility of the woman to figure a way out this clearly flawed relationship. In any case, an unpleasantness all around.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I recall an incident in which I did call the police because of violence in a neighbor's home. The women pleaded with the police not to take her man away, even though she had been struck and threatened with a shotgun. Her man eventually killed himself, but not before driving their son to suicide.
ReplyDeleteOne of the main thrusts of feminism over the last forty years has been to empower women to be less submissive and more able to stick up for themselves. Success in this has been qualified as born out by statistics on spousal abuse.
Nancy, I'm glad to connect! And, Bluedog, thanks for information on such a complicated problem.
ReplyDeleteThis, I love this kind of observation and witness. Sometimes that is what we are there to do, to bear witness. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you, Rebecca. A help.
ReplyDeletei read this entry several times. you describe so clearly the subtle terrors of the imposition of one person's will upon another.
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